FEB
23rd, 2012-As
a follow-up to my
previous article on Evan Gattis, I asked him for some personal
insight into the long, arduous path he traveled from his time as a
troubled teen to All-Star
catcher in the pro ranks. He was kind enough to oblige.
When
you left baseball initially, what would you say was the greatest
reason?
I felt
like there was something more important I had to "figure out".
Did
you feel that baseball had, more or less, become your whole life, and
that it had somehow made you forget who you were as a person, apart
from the game? That you had to remember who you were, in a sense?
Not so
much the baseball part of it. I felt like there was something missing
no matter how good I was at ball.
But
I like that you (mention) "remember", because when people
feel like themselves, it's an overwhelmingly familiar sense.
That's
a very good answer. When you first hit the road, did you have an idea
as to what you wanted to accomplish, or was it just a matter of
getting away from the world you knew and learning a bit about life in
general?
Well,
I finished a semester of junior college when I was enrolled at
Seminole State College (Oklahoma) and I was actually giving up the
"spiritual search" initially, but later on I wanted to
surround myself with people of common interest.
So
you were driven to learn about yourself, as well as what life was
really about?
Yeah,
whatever the motivation the story for everyone is the same; for
me it was for relief of depression. Some people lose a child, some
people do outrageously courageous things and they don't know how they
did it, some people go their whole life with a sense of lack and they
know their death is approaching. It happens differently for everyone
but it's the same dynamic. It's a search, it wasn't like a hobby. I
wanted help.
I
can certainly relate to that. I understand the impact that depression
can have on both the life of the person suffering and the friends and
family who care for that person. I've seen it both as a health care
provider and as someone who's suffered from it, personally.
Right,
it's hard on everyone. And who wants to be
around a depressed person? And who wants to be depressed?
It's
hard for a lot of people to understand, so I think they shy away from
the subject. At what point did you feel like you had reached an
understanding about what you were going through? Was there a moment
of epiphany for you?
Many,
in fact. It seemed to be a process. The endgame
was in Santa Cruz. I knew I had nothing to look for, and it's funny;
when you don't look you find (it). Not that you find anything, just
that you don't have to look, because the search is exhausting.
Would
you say your experiences on the road strengthened your desire to play
baseball, or perhaps allowed you to enjoy the game more?
I
appreciate it more. I can enjoy it full on,
without wondering if there is something more important to be doing.
So
your time away from the game was sort of a liberating experience for
you, in many ways?
Yes,
that was the whole point: liberation!
Now
I'd like to ask you about your experiences with rehab, if you're
comfortable with talking about that.
Yeah.
I was 17 and terrified of failing a drug test
for pot, and I didn't want to be a "mess up".
So
it was an easy decision for you?
It
kind of happened fast and I was depressed. Seemed like a good
decision.
Certainly
seems like it worked out for you. Last question: was rehab
particularly tough for you, or did you get through it without much
much difficulty?
It
wasn't tough and kind of refreshing. It wasn't
the happiest of places, but it was good to talk to people.